We live on a farm and on one of my husband's days off we were working in the barnyard one winter.  Before I left I got smart and put in a chicken to roast in the oven because I knew we had to work through lunch.  We had to get our outside work done before daylight left. 

 

I came back in to check on the chicken as our work was winding down but I did not want to burn our dinner.  Dennis and I were both pretty darn hungry.  I was looking forward to a nice meal.  Well sure enough the chicken was done so I pulled it out of the oven to cool on the stove top.  I then went back to the barn to tell my husband to finish up because dinner was ready.

 

I came back to house within five minutes to make some potatoes and veggies.  Can you guess what I saw when I walked back in the doorway?  There was a big black dog sitting on the kitchen counter on his rump, burping with a huge Buddha belly hanging out.  The next thing I see is the stripped chicken carcass down to the bone still sitting in the roasting pan.  The dog was burping and not moving off the counter.  He has no shame for any felonies he commits.  This time it was no different then usual.

 

I was so angry I could not even speak!  I backed out of the door and walked down to the barn because Dennis was not coming when I yelled for him to "come to the house immediately."  I grabbed Dennis' hand and drug him with me.  We went back to the house to still see The Felon sitting on our kitchen counter with the evidence of yet another successful theft.

 

The reaction to this felony AGAIN?  My husband just started laughing AGAIN.  Dennis thinks Bogart is terribly funny. I think it is never a good thing, but he is NOT my dog.  I do not claim him unless Bad Baby is at some event licking some kid's face while they are sick or injured.  Bogart knows when he should turn on that famous wiener charm at rest homes and hospitals, etc.

 

BUT do I need a dog eating my dinner?  Nope!  I left Dennis to take care of the dead chicken, get his awful dog OFF my kitchen counter and to make me some dinner as I was pretty starved at that point.  My mood was especially fowl after realizing that I had more time to wait before we could eat.

 

But how did Bad baby get on our kitchen counter you may ask?  After investigating we saw dog prints on the dust on top of the wood stove.  Bogart had jumped to a close enough to a stool and then he jumped on a precarious wood pile and then across to the kitchen counter.  And then that rotten dog worked his way around everything on the counter to get to the back side for HIS meal.  Bad Baby was just sure I had cooked that chicken just for him even if he had to go mountain climbing on a shakey wood pile to get it.

 

I have since removed that stool from our living room so it is not a ladder for smart wieners.  And we know now to never leave any of our food on the counter for Baby to claim as his own.  Any time I cool down a meal I leave it in the oven.

 

And Dennis wonders why I call his dog "Rotten Dog"  or "Horrible Creature" or "Bad Baby."  That dog deserves every name that I can give him when Bpgart keeps stealing things that he does not own.  It does not matter how sweet the dog is at other times with endless face kissing or snoring in our ears at night. 

 

Bad Baby has his moments of extreme cute and cuddly as do all Dachshunds, but that really does not make up for other times where the dog is doing exactly what he wants when he wants to do it. 

 

If this rotten were a person Bogart would be a criminal for a living with a lengthy criminal and prison record I am sure because he does not care if he gets caught.  There is not one "I'm ashamed bone" in his entire beefy wiener body.  

 

The dog brat just smiles when caught and plans his next theft while he is licking faces because he does kisses on demand too.  I get to see Dennis laughing and his dog licking "Dad's" face while I am usually fuming.  To see both of them laughing and cuddle sessions is usally more then I can take when I am mad. I am forced to leave the 12 gauge out of reach, just in case.

 

And the best part?  Bogart is not stopping his criminal ways anytime soon.  I have about ten+ more years of this dog committing wiener felonies.  Oh joy!

 

 

We often do doggy adoptions here at our home for those folks who live out of the area and the dogs that we can not bring the dogs to their home for a site visit.  On March 1, 2008 Fritz, a homeless wiener, was to meet his new daddy here, with all of our dogs and rescues to greet our company too. 

 

It gets very loud with excited, watch dog wieners letting me know that we have someone visiting, but after they calm down we are able to do some visiting to see if a dog will work for their new people and vice versa.

 

That day Jerry, the adopter, reached toward a Bad Baby dog to pet him although I warned Jerry several times that reaching for wieners until they calmed down is never a good thing.  Bogart went ahead and nipped Jerry with a warning to let Jerry know that Bad Baby did not want him on his couch!  I was appalled as we take this rotten dog everywhere.  Bad Baby has never offered to bite or even nip anyone in almost four years.

 

To let Bogart know how displeased I was after that rudeness I isolated the horrible dog in another part of the house behind a baby gate.  Bogart had to watch the whole adoption from another room.  Jerry was not hurt, but he and I both were very surprised.  I was not amused and apparently neither was Bad Baby for being banished.

 

Jerry decided that Fritz was his new boy.  They left together for yet another successul wiener adoption and I went to the rest room for a pit stop.  I walked down the hallway and what should I see?  Bathroom garbage strewn EVERYWHERE.  Bogart decided to let me know how unhappy he was after I decided that Bad Baby was not allowed back in with my company for the day.  This dog never gets into garbage out in the open for years.  But it was Bogart's way of telling me that he was not a happy dog.

 

Then I got another nasty surprise.  He had lifted his leg to mark his displeasure and to soil the garbage as well as the bathroom rug sio it covered my hands too.  Mind you that this dog is housebroke to death.  He would never lift or mark anywhere here because he always asks to go outside he is that well housbroke.  I guess this horrible, rotten dog won that battle because that was not fun cleaning up that mess.  It was too awful to leave it there until my husband arrived home from work.

 

After Dennis got home I informed him what his dog had done yet AGAIN that day.  We have daily reports of Bad Baby's antics.  Dennis always thinks his dog is amusing even when Bogart is training me.  Can you guess Dennis' reaction?  He laughed and laughed and laughed then told me "Well I guess he should never go into another room as punishment when you have company, should he?" It was all i could do to not turn to violence. 

 

Next time I will kennel the dog brat so he can ruin his stuff instead of my stuff.  In the meantime I was not sure if I was more mad at the dog for letting me know exactly what that he thought of me or if I should shoot my husband for not training his highly intelligent dog or that Dennis was laughing so hard.  Dennis thought it was too funny that I had yet another mess of his dog's to take care of here.  The husband and his dog both should be banished on numerous occasions because neither one are trainable!

 

I would never wish this horrible dog on anyone else, but us.  Bad Baby Bogart sure does have a very sweet face for a wiener felon, doesn't he?